What to Expect When You’re Expecting says a six month old fetus is 33cms long which, according the http://www.thebabycenter.com, is the length of a spring onion. The mother of a real baby might not fancy spring onions in her food because she’s probably getting some reflux. Onion-y reflux, even of the mild spring onion type is unpleasant. Happily, book babies don’t bring reflux (or constipation, leg cramps, ankle-swelling, or backache) but now I am feeling like a six-month-pregnant person who is bored with pregnancy and just wants to get it over with. Can’t we just bring the publishing date forward?
Also, I’m getting worried about the future. What if I can’t cut it as an author? What if I am useless speaking at writers’ festivals? What if readers don’t like me? Today, I recorded a two minute video where I talked about #therivermouth. It took fifteen minutes to record and twenty-four hours of stomach-churning nerves and dry toast before I sat in front of the camera. The ever-encouraging staff at #fremantlepress said I did good, but maybe book babies do give their authors reflux after all.